The Roleplayer’s Glossary

“Wow. Anyone reading this would think I’m a dumbass.”
-Jeremy, Glossary Key Contributor

 

Terms by Jon

creative words:

• –22! (#) The ever-present, all-pervasive, greatest number of all time; capable of causing hour-long fits of laughter.
• –a big, shiny, “Fuck Off” knife (n)
• –bladder gnomes (n.) A feared venereal… condition…
• –cof of pottee (Jon fucked up) Sounds like something you piss in. We’re not sure; judge for yourself. See also “sheet of peeper”, below.
• –de-habilitated (adj.) Some people go to meetings to help things get better – others want to make things get worse.
• –error codes of badness (n.) Satan’s true name, written out in binary.
• –fecal sodomization (v.) Something we prefer not to think about.
• –Non-Testicle action (yes) You figure it out.

creative phrases:

• –“Because it’s a COLLECTION.” (The Jar phrase)
• –“Close-quarters phallus-fighting” (v. phrase) Also known as Personal-Space Shlong Slinging, this is the true test of manhood.
• –“Crotchless pants with Insta-Choche access” (n.) breeches with no material covering the gonads for reaching those hard-to-itch places. Still in common use today.
• –“Did you fail to miss that?” (v. phrase) Apparently, I did.
• –“Does he look okay… other than being dead?” (HUH? Phrase) “His brain is pulp, and half his arm is missing. Yeah, he’s fine.”
• –“Don’t mind the wind – it won’t hurt you. Unless it’s carrying a telephone pole.” (strangely philosophical phrase) A truth that just doesn’t occur to most of us.
• –“From The Hills of Don’t Fuck With Us” (n. phrase) The hometown of big, mean scary people, and really deranged monks.
• –“Fuck those kids with cancer! That’s my hair!” (selfish phrase)
• –“… Gamecube? …” (gamecube phrase) The best way to defeat a gamemaster totally and utterly.
• –“GRASP the system!” (necessary phrase) enraged gamemasters throughout history have screamed this at many a hapless player who has no idea what they’re doing when it’s time to roll the dice.
• –“I am tough! I am tough!” (stupid phrase) ALWAYS say this (yes, in character) when you roll tests to resist poison, unconsciousness, death, etc. It’s all psychological, you know.
• –“I am not tough! I am not tough!” (really stupid phrase) ALWAYS say this (yes, in character) when you roll tests to resist poison, unconsciousness, death, etc., yet are a weakling and know it.
• –“I’m scared” (uncharacteristic phrase) The most timid thing Jon has ever said, inspired by a shark bigger than a house.
• –“I’m thinking LaCroix tastes like when your foot goes to sleep.”
• –“It’s not like it’s a surprise. You pump enough semen into a hole, something’s bound to happen.” (blatantly sexual phrase) A simple, factual explanation of the reproductive process, not to be repeated to young children.
• –“Look at ME through this wooden vagina!” (v. phrase) I’d prefer not to, thanks.
• –“Put the dice DOWN!” (we don’t roleplay anymore phrase)
• –“Remedial mathematics” (v. phrase) Something many roleplayers are completely incapable of doing.
• –“Voldo is cool because he smells like treasure.”
• –“Yeah! It’s fuckin’ depleted uranium! Get it out of my sink!” (radioactive phrase) What you won’t see on “Martha Stuart Living.”
• –“You’re a fuckin’ moving beacon of Eat Me!” (adj. Phrase) The ONLY thing you can really say to someone who covers themselves in blood and swims in shark-infested waters.
• –“You contract ‘Fuck you, you’re dead’ syndrome” (uh-oh phrase) A sure death sentence.

Terms by Brett

creative words:

• –asstertaste
• –bilb mook (n.) stuff that comes out of a pregnant woman’s breasts when she’s upside down.
• –bonus-siders (n.) Those special twenty-seven sided dice.
• –confusement (adj.) A place you retreat to in your mind when the dolls come, singing your name in Sanskrit.
• –fuck booger (n.) 1. A horrible insult used by drooling madmen. 2. Something you never want to be called, let alone see in your morning coffee.
• –horriful (adj.) something that’s too terrible to be anything else, when your mouth is full.
• –scrotal float (n.) See “fuck booger,” above.

creative phrases:

• –“A big, wet, pink tunnel” (n.) A place unwary adventurers are occasionally thrown into, usually by very lonely gamemasters with something else on their minds.
• –“Actually, the green and the blue are pretty distinctive. It’s the orange and the orange that are confusing.”
• –“Blonde, with silver hairlights” (adj. Phrase) A new style that’s all the rage, where women and elves wind christmas lights through their hair… or something…
• –“Camouflaged and disguised” (really repetitive phrase) Something which is secretly hidden in its hiding place, as it disappears…
• –“’Cause he asked for that, Adam. He was up in heaven, making his character with God, and he said, ‘This guy is going to tan REALLY well,’ and God said, , ‘Okay, whatever, it’s your character.’” (whole new level of geekdom phrase) Proof that life before life exists – and is dominated by nerds.
• –“Get Drunk Up” (v. phrase) A keg stand in an elevator.
• –“He doesn’t have to track down a three-eyed testicle.” (?????) No, he certainly does not. Holy shit, I hope I never have to, either.
• –“Most of my friends have seen both my nuts and my balls.” (phallic phrase) Something that’s only true while naked AND uncovered – or just dumb.
• –“Where’s Larry?” (oblivious phrase) RIGHT THERE!!!
• –“Your brain and your mind were not in sync.” (v. phrase) Neither were your mouth and your lips.

Terms by Colin

creative words:

• –green mint poopy-cup (vile-looking n.) An ashtray which once resembled a mint shake.
• –The Humpbug (n.) An Umberhulk with an idiot saying his name.
• –kerfucked (adj.) a state of mind achieved by repeated bludgeoning to the head.
• –technoggual (adj.) a device of such advanced technology, it renders its user’s tongue inoperable.

creative phrases:

• –“Free room & board, free food, free butt sex!” (gross and frightening phrase) An offer which, though at first may sound tempting, should never, never be taken.
• –“Guns, with guys pointed at you” (dyslexia strikes again) Something that only happens in a deranged gamemaster’s mind, or after a massive heroin overdose.
• –“Holy light, singing angels; it’s a big production” (stupid phrase) In reference to a large, melodramatic event hosted by god.
• –“I’m doing at least half the work of two men.”
• –“Let’s lynch Ed as a witch.”
• –“Pecker trove of hidden treasure” (???) Similar to a dragon’s horde, but with less vocabulary.
• –“Pictures, stills, and photographs” (really repetitive phrase) The result of drugs, dope, and narcotics.
• –“The butt is the new vagina.”
• –“Those death-killers people” (stupid phrase) A random mob of heavily armed murderers.

Terms by Adam

creative words:

• –ananacharid (n.) Anan awaweful big spider.
• –decapitated hand (n.) A serious coordination problem.
• –Flying make-out heads (proper n.) A demonic nymphomaniac who can’t quite find its body.
• –insufferior (adj.) When “not up to par” just isn’t descriptive enough.

creative phrases:

• -“Did you have to sacrifice an island to keep her in play?” (Brett getting picked up by a Leviathan phrase)
• –“If he were human and had a spine, that would kill him, but, since he’s a robot and a cartoon , he’ll be fine.” (bewilderingly logical phrase) The silliest, most logical thing I’ve ever heard.
• –“tank of the underwater bottom” (phrase of the underwater brain) A place few physicists will ever see… or understand…
• –“She’d ‘a lived if she’d a had stremph” (Zeke phrase) A sad truth we must all deal with in time.
• –“smells like minty freshness – and bodies.” (v. phrase) A new and poorly-marketed line of air freshener.
• –“the last guy takes the rear” (n. phrase) A brilliant assessment of the order of things.
• –“Technically, according to Final Fantasy I” (Adj. Phrase) An obviously concrete and indisputable truth.
• –“This is a staff of… fuck.” (n. phrase) A staff lonely gamers prize above all else.
• –“We don’t have TIME for roleplaying!” (bewildering, extremely inconsistent phrase) A complete oxymoron, much the same as a skydiver not having time to fall.
• –“Where are I?” (v. phrase) You is rights here-is.

Terms by Josh

creative words:

• –Guard-sniffing dogs (n.) The criminal underworld’s predictable retaliation to drug-sniffing dogs.
• –Teledid (v.) like teleporting, but not as far – or linguistically accurate.

creative phrases:

• –“A whole civilization of experience points” (brutal hack-and-slash phrase) Lots of fish that fight back – but poorly.
• –“Home is where this guy isn’t.” (wide-eyed terror phrase) Especially when this guy can kill us all in one hit.
• –“make our way up stealthy to the ceiling” (v. phrase) An amazing feat of dexterity, best performed in outer space.
• –“I knock him up” (v. phrase) The perfect way to be put into a deep sleep!
• –“I’m terrified. That’s why Jeremy is doing it.” (walking knock spell phrase) A unique form of caution practiced in roleplaying culture.
• –“I need more sunlight to commit these murders – I can hardly see what I’m doing.”
• –“Plenty of Limber” (short, pointless phrase) Lumber, timber – pick one.
• –“Room service came in and fluffed my… it was weird.” (sexy phrase) A service only the finest establishments provide.
• –“Unscrew the rubber band.” (v. phrase) It’s when you… it’s… well, you see… awe heck, I don’t know what the hell this means.
• –“We travel off the map, onto my character sheet, and circumvent the whole thing” (complete sentence) An illogical attempt at escape that just didn’t work.

Terms by James

creative words:

• –Voyeurism talent (whatever you want it to be) Something only humans are capable of.

creative phrases:

• –“There were these guys, with these hoses, and they shot gas at us, and they were really mean.” (silly phrase) A ridiculous explanation that they didn’t buy for a second.

Terms by Larry

creative words:

• –Lathanderism (v.) Stupidly showing off your magical abilities until you die of strain.

creative phrases:

• –“Has it been an hour yet?” (annoying sentence) Something to say repeatedly when you want to get on the GM’s nerves.

Terms by Kris

creative phrases:

• –“Bhi for 13. It is the sound of leaving the game.” (Unspeakable Words phrase)
• –“Constitution is for the weak.”
• –“Godzilla doesn’t forgive like that. Godzilla forgives with fire.” (Bomberman phrase) The true way to find forgiveness in the heart of a giant, imaginary lizard.
• –“It’s never too late to kill a hooker.”
• –“That’s awesome! What’s a toy party?… ewww. Never mind.” (dawning horror phrase) Innocence, once lost, can never truly be regained…
• –“(playing a female) Tell you I have a forked tongue??… why would that… oh.”

Terms by Ed

creative phrases:

• –“A big clump of wad.”
• –“Have him fly me up by the ceiling, so I can be like a flying magistrate of justice.” (Ed phrase)
• –“So… the elf is a human.”

Terms by Travis

creative phrases:

• –“All of us conspiring will look conspiratorial” (Travis phrase)
• –“No, Adam, I don’t have any character shits.” (Travis phrase)

Terms by Jessica

creative words:

• –“Canadian Flower”

creative phrases:

• –“Six half halves, or one of the dozen”

Terms by Jeremy

creative words:

• –algerculture (n.) Very similar to agriculture, algerculture only occurs when said by a retarded four-year-old with no teeth.
• –brainal areas (n.) Whatever it is, anyone saying this obviously doesn’t have very many of them.
• –Boolock the Outclassed (NPC) “Don’t worry, guys, I think we can take him.”
• –Crest soap (n.) New, from your favorite toothpaste brand! Now you can kill plaque on your entire body, even those hard-to-reach places!
• –Cuel poo (n.) A stick used to hit balls; apparently, in this case, your own.
• –delusionary aspects (adj.) The qualities associated with a person, place, or thing which is too stupid to be real.
• –dislimbed (v.) The act or event of having one’s limbs cut off, in four-year-old speak.
• –Disneyness (adv.) A 1-10 scale rating the resemblance between an object or statement and a cartoon mouse with big ears.
• –Dorf (n.) A Dwarf with a speech impediment.
• –dumbdefied (adj.) The state of mind of an individual who is too stupid to be stupefied.
• –dungeoneering (v.) Similar to exploring, but with more traps, treasure, and death involved. Dungeoneering generally takes place underground.
• –factional (adj.) Something that is fictional, but is not.
• –fagnificent (gay adj.) As in, “flamingly wonderful” or “homo-spectactular”.
• –Girdle of Gender-Bender (n., major artifact) A girdle which makes your pee-pee fall off – or magically appear!
• –glasses of window finding (n., major artifact) Glasses which allow the user to see any and all locked or unreachable windows, while remaining completely oblivious to open doors.
• –Jeremecy (adj.) The sudden loss of part of an individual’s vocabulary.
• –hawch hacket (n.) Barsaive’s throwing weapon of choice.
• –makesmanship (adj.) The degree of skill with which something really stupid and pointless has been made.
• –mestal institute (n.) A place of learning for the menstally incrapacitated
• –migical items (n.) Movie props from the set of “The Wizard of Oz”.
• –natural grown mountain (n.) Just add water!
• –orf (n.) an Elf in Jeremy’s mind
• –penile envis (n.) A nonsensical description of someone who really, really sucks.
• –point-oh-sex (horny adj.) A really, really, really small… well… judge for yourself.
• –randomnicity (adv.) The likelihood of stupid things coming out of Jeremy’s mouth.
• –scienfistic (adj.) Like science fiction, but less coherent
• –sheet of peeper (n.) Sounds like something you piss on. We’re not sure; judge for yourself. See also “cof of pottee”, above.
• –summacco (v.) How a samurai commits suicide when all he has is a wooden spoon.
• –superiosity (adj.) A term used to describe something which is so astounding, you momentarily forget your powers of speech.
• –sword of dislimbing (n.) Any sword which allows the wielder to dislimb an opponent.

creative phrases:

• –“A generic, empty role-playing tunnel” (brilliant phrase) A ten-foot wide hallway, usually made of stone, with nothing of interest to be found. Often thrown in to give the gamemaster a second to think of something better. Coming soon to a dungeon near you!
• –“A small, warring community” (n. phrase) A pleasant place to call home, with a thriving economy, and the shade of your neighbor’s corpses hanging from the trees to keep you cool…
• -“After you gain your conscience” (huh?) What happens when you’re no longer unconscious, but you feel really, really bad about it.
• –“Cool Whip and Skittles do not go well good” (n. phrase) Bad talk thing me explain good not. Help speak better sense make?
• –“Decapitated Feces” (n. phrase) A turd which has been punished for a horrible crime.
• –“Dex check to grab his interns” (stupid phrase) Something which must be rolled when your companion’s chest is cut open and secretaries apparently spill out.
• –“Drive-by walking” (v. phrase.) A much-feared occurrence during gangland warfare among the Amish… never mind.
• –“Early dusk in the morning” (n. phrase) That special, magical time… when you wake up early, and the sun is just beginning to set below the rising sun…
• –“Find a spot that’s militarily tactic.” (v. phrase) The ideal spot to stop for the night, where you can sleep at ease, assured that those nasty Militarilies won’t tact you.
• –“Flaming Fecal Track” (n. phrase) The chili shits, or what happens when you drink a quart of Pennzoil near a bonfire.
• –“He’s really not dead, it’s just Halloween, and he’s dressed as a dead baby.” (silly phrase) Another ridiculous explanation that they didn’t buy for a second. (see “There were these guys…,” above)
• –“Higher to the throne” (n. phrase) Next in line to the throne of a country of high elevation.
• –“Horizontal to the Ground” (adj. phrase) a direction which is parallel to a spinning top. Also the opposite of Vertical to the Wall.
• –“I kinda got caught between a Cadillac and a wall” (amazing phrase) A problem 99.9% of the population will never face.
• –“I’m invisible to flame” (n. phrase) An amazing ability – when fire grows eyes, it can’t see you!
• –“I’m re-back” (phrase statement) what happens when it occurs that someone repeats over again what they did before in the past all over again.
• –“I smell smoke burning” (stupid phrase) Something said by people who try to pass science tests by rolling dice.
• –“In mine and Brett’s life, we appear that that (Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy) is the bible” (mind-numbingly idiotic phrase) in mine and… umm… hmmm… uh… yeah… what he said.
• –“I would like to know so I can tell my kids which plane their wife is on when it lands” (stupid phrase) Something only an inbred redneck with little intelligence could possibly say.
• –“(Magic) … is a lot like learning to play croquet – it’s useless in everyday life.” (TRUE phrase) Proof that great wisdom can be found in the most unlikely of places.
• –“Many hundreds of way before anybody’s time” (chronodisjunctional phrase) The result of a breech in the time-space continuum, or a long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long time ago.
• –“Nor mormal” (v. phrase) as in “also not mormal.” Also a Scandinavian religion which worships the phallus of a dead god.
• –“Rocks grow out of plants.” (dyslexic phrase) An idea that makes my head hurt.
• –“Steal from the needy” (lawful chaotic phrase) A paladin’s credo.
• –“There isn’t a back door – I looked. It’s back through the kitchen.” (oxymoronical phrase) There isn’t a definition – I tried. It means hitting your head against a brick wall.
• – “They can’t even translate it – they just put it in English words” (silly phrase) Ils ne peuvent pas le traduiser- ils jusque mettent-la dans les mots anglais.
• –“They (generals) were normally at the rear, leading the troops.” (oxymoronical phrase) And then the troops ran in a circle…
• –“Third floor, second level” (adj. phrase) Indoor balconies: apparently, quite popular in idiot culture.
• –“Taple it in” (v. phrase) Umm, uhhh…… yeah.
• –“We need some kind of closure – all we have is a bunch of answers” (Jeremecy phrase) This is your brain. This is your brain on Jeremy. Any questions?
• –“Unrealistic Realism” (oxymoronical phrase) A popular form of modern art. Also, the end of all existence.
• –“We introduced a new feces” (v. phrase) The act of disturbing the ecosystem within your septic tank.
• –“What?! I can’t drop my sword and make an attack?” (exclamatory phrase of stupidity) A brilliant combat maneuver, first mastered by the Suicide Monks of the Cemetery Hills.

Terms by various friends, weirdos, drug addicts, and Zappa associates

creative words:

• –bullshitty (adj.) Something to avoid while walking in a cattle pasture.
• –can of soup (n.) Hiding place of choice for player-characters everywhere, at least when there’s no one there to play them.
• –lumberyack (n.) A strange man with an axe that just won’t stop talking.
• –obligorated (v.) Thoroughly destroyed, ruined, and exploderated.
• –pre-game delay (v.) Two-and-a-half hours (or more!) of useless babble: the only way to start a game.
• –“tink” (v.) The sound a sword makes when you need a bigger sword.
• –warrior’s clasp (verb) Something warriors do to show what big men they are.

creative phrases:

• –“All you could see is a loud flash” (Bobby phrase) The results of sensory deprivation.
• –“Disco out-freakage” (stupid phrase) I don’t know, but it’s really, really bad.
• –“He dropped his hand.”
• –“I weave a thread to my rock” (Funky Chunk phrase) Something done in Earthdawn by magical idiots, or people with really strong needles.
• –“Little Sperm-Head… do not run into the fire!” (Ryan phrase) Something you never thought you’d have to state out loud.
• –“More Torquee Horse-Port” (hail fucking Eris) …it just doesn’t NEED a definition, ok?
• –“You’re all dead.” (THE phrase) A piece of information kind gamemasters like to share with their players on a daily basis. Usually followed by crumpets and tea. Or not.
• –“Oh, I rolled a seventeen on that one. Brett, I’ll give you a dollar!” (Cosby phrase) A cheap, amazing attempt at bribery.
• –“Wow. We should get some horses and get off, then.” (Eric phrase) Behavior which is still legal in the state of Washington.

Creative Conversations:

Brett (talking about a game): “Adam, you’ve got a nice set over there.”
Josh (not talking about a game at all): “She’s got a nice set over here.”
Jessica (talking about a game): “Don’t you worry about… oh.”

Jessica: “I don’t know what that is?”
Josh: “It’s a pterodactyl!”
Jessica: “Pterodactyl has a “T” in it?
Josh: “No, it has a “P” in it.